You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
