he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
