You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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