My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
