dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
