Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
