I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
