Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize