Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
