you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
