Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
honey bunches of taint.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
