some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
