I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
