How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize