I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
