and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
