clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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