remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
