The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
