the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
