Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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