hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FUCK WHALES
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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