Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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