FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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