I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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