No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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