I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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