Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
