I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
