I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
