he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
