Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
