when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
