the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
