you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
