when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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