and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
