So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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