Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
