I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
