we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
