remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
