Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize