My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
