I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
