My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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