Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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