here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
