The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
