i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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