I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
