well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
