watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
