I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
