Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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