dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
