it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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