so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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