really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
