My friends, they love my intelligence
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize