this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
