I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
