I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
