i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
