One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
