my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
