he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
