Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
