After last night, I could never be a politician.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize