Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
