do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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