I wish life had little blips of pornography
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its liver damage thursday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
