I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
