end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
