I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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