You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize