she told me i tasted like america
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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