I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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