the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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