Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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