i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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