i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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